Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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