They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
