I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
