I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
