I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
