Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
