you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
