3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
