no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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