You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
