At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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