ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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