can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
