i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're like the curious george of whores
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
