you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
