toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
