ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
