i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
