so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
