All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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