i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
