We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Pooping to opera.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
