Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
