Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
