I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
