I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
