she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize