You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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