i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
tell me about the eggs
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
