There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
