And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
