I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
