I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
