It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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