I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
