Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
