im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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