I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
