Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize