I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
