I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
