Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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