im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
