I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
