I think I am morally bankrupt
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
