she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize