Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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