It's like God shit irony all over that family
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
