Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
