We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
