She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
