I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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