sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
