apparently the secret to your success is patron
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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