he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
