i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
