My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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