how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
