When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
