woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
