I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
