Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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