Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
