I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You are the jesus of drinking
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
