how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
