OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize