so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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