Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
