I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
