just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They took my balls.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
