Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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